auggie's xmas story

from by gay angel

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i would have written you a waltz, but you told me that you never schmaltz and you lied and said you had no wife but you'd be looking for me in the next life. it was just like the movie "smoke" with the christmas snow still outside. we both did not believe what we said, it was obvious we both had lied.

but that was fun, just for kicks--you can really teach an old dog new tricks. i walk into the streets feeling a strong desire. if only i had a lyre, if only i weren't a liar, i would never tire, i would never tire, i would set my heart on fire.

oh, it was just like the movie "smoke". you kissed me and would not look me in the eye. and we both wanted to believe this was a mistake and you were really blind. so, pretend my beard was pubic hair and i'll pretend your skin was leather and we'll both get through this terrible storm (we'll both destroy our moral compass together).

and i'll call my friends and laugh about it as a way to hide it all or at least try, but what i never told my friends is when i started to leave i could have sworn i saw you cry.

i could have also made that part up, but what matters is how it feels to experience the first moment when i realized nothing was real.


from floral, released July 2, 2015



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gay angel Rochester, New York

sometimes i stay up at night hoping that my life is just a musical and i write it down just in case it really is

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