gay angel

by gay angel

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a homemade mini-album, a thesis statement

photograph from david wojnarowicz's "arthur rimbaud in new york", manipulated by me and title handwritten by the always splendid séamus gallagher (


released March 11, 2014

thanks to elly higgins for trumpet on tracks 1 and 4, thanks to calvin langman for cello on tracks 1 and 5, thanks to ania vu for piano on tracks 3 and 5

i did everything else



all rights reserved


gay angel Rochester, New York

sometimes i stay up at night hoping that my life is just a musical and i write it down just in case it really is

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Track Name: another fucking song
i'm sorry, i know i'm wrong. so here's another fucking song. he said "i want to make sure my parents know that it's hard to run far when seeds are sown...instead the wounds just get purple and grow. i hope you can learn from me now that you know"

the priest lied to me, he told me he was strong when he knew he really wouldn't last long. he spent a lot of his time telling right from wrong. he spoke The Word but didn't know it so the least i could do was put him in this song

so here's another fucking song. it's not for you, so please don't sing along.
if i could have gotten out of his bed and back into my heart
that would have been a better place to start

so let's try again
Track Name: you think
i cried once then you showed me how "everything just comes and goes now" and then i turned you away. he told me i was a homosexual angel, and i thought he was just so wild....but he was really lusty…..i guess that's just how men want me

waking up to see a house burning down, waking up to see a cock rising up
logic is useless to the blind, so cupid doesn't use that kind

"everything just comes and goes now"

if you think that cigarettes are bad, just ask my lovers what they think of me
Track Name: for now living will do
i've given up on sadness, for now living will do. it's kinda fucked how life isn't meaningful until it's taken away from you. don't you think so? you can't unsee the truth that life is a glass that's not half full or empty but broken on the floor right next to you.

he told me "life's too queer" and i said "well, why are you here?"

reference some trite phrase like "this too shall pass"

he said he didn't know if it was buddhist or taoist but i just wanted to kiss his neck 'cos he looked so gorgeous that night and it didn't matter who was right

but what if there were a way to make everything okay?
i'd like to share that thought with everyone

it seems that the only way out is not really ever to pout
at least, i think that's the only way out

so i've given up on sadness, for now living will do.
so instead of crying i'll just smile and say "thank you"

thank you, thank you Jeff
Track Name: how i say goodbye
we used to talk at the park beside your house. i think i told you i'd never carouse, but it's cold outside and i can see my breath in the air and i don't really care 'cos my spine shivers and my brain shuts down, i lose control and i think terrible things that aren't my own thoughts, a conflict in my soul and i ache to do what is really on my mind

i would say that i'll just be gone tomorrow, but i've been gone for a year and a few days

i want to feel something, i want to know wrong, i want to pretend that i know every goddamn song

so if i die, well, i do that all the time
so now you know how i say goodbye

i'll say goodbye, i'll say goodbye
so now you know how i say goodbye
Track Name: sad old man
sad old man
you say you are a sad old man

and i don't know how to respond in some perfect way that isn't laud

where's your wife? i know she just left, but is it right for you to sleep around with younger guys? do you get sleep at night?

where's your husband? i know he's been dead for three years now
so why are you still smiling? your heart is a black hole

i could say you are a sad old man but that would be an understatement
the hardest part to face is truth--that one day i'll be sad like you.

so i'll be a sad old man and have no more life plans.
i'll be a famous musician, but have a metronomical heart